Understanding the Love LAnguages
Get ConnectedUNDERSTANDING THE LOVE LANGUAGES
Get ConnectedThe phrase “love languages” has grown in popularity over the years..
where did it come from and what does it mean?
The 5 Love Languages is a book written by Dr. Gary Chapman and outlines five different ways or “languages” that people show love. These five different expressions of love are words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, gifts, and quality time.
You may regularly show love to the people around you, but different people enjoy expressing and receiving love in different ways. Understanding how and when your spouse, friends, or family members feel most loved can go a long way in strengthening your relationships.
If you want to dive deeper into understanding the love languages concepts, you can purchase the book here. And Dr. Chapman has written an online love languages quiz to help you know the ways you want to experience love.
Words of Affirmation
If your primary love language is words of affirmation, you appreciate verbal and written encouragement, compliments, and words of appreciation. This can be anything from a simple “I love you” to a handwritten letter of encouragement and admiration.
If you or your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, consider these displays to show your love better.
- Write a heartfelt letter to tell your spouse how much you love and appreciate them
- Send them cute and sweet texts throughout the day (eg. I miss you, I can’t wait to see you when you get home, Thank you for working so hard for us)
- Be quick with compliments and encouragements throughout the day
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Physical Touch
Physical touch is an often misunderstood love language. People may assume that physical touch is just about sex, but physical touch is much more than that. If your love language is physical touch, you appreciate physical affection throughout the day. Whether that’s holding hands or hugging, you like to show your affection through small physical connections.
If you or your partner’s love language is physical touch, consider these ways to be more loving and intimate with your significant other.
- Hold their hand in small moments (driving, taking a walk, sitting on the couch)
- Give them an unprompted hug when you leave the house or get home after a long day
- Learn how to give your partner a massage with this YouTube video
Acts of Service
Acts of service as a love language is primarily about going out of your way to serve, help, or take care of someone’s needs and responsibilities. An act of service can include doing the dishes, taking out the trash, or evening filling up someone else’s gas tank.
If you or your partner’s love language is acts of service, use these ideas to show your partner you love them.
- Make your spouse a cup of coffee first thing in the morning
- Cook them a meal
- Take care of a chore that is normally their responsibility (dishes, laundry, trash, etc.)
- Remove the mental load from someone else by planning something they normally would (vacation, date night, etc.)
Gifts
Gift giving (and receiving) as a love language oftentimes has a negative connotation because it feels “materialistic”. But gift giving, when done well, is actually about reminding your loved ones that you are thinking about them and spending time and energy on them. You don’t have to buy someone something in order to love them well with gift giving.
If you or your partner’s love language is giving and receiving gifts, try these fun gift ideas to love them well.
- Make them something homemade that they will like and use (wall decor, paint pottery)
- If you see something small that reminds you of them, surprise them with it
- Send them flowers
- Buy them their favorite snack the next time you are at the grocery store
Quality Time
Quality time can be the easiest or most difficult love language, depending on the person. Spending quality time with your partner is more than just hanging out. It is giving them your undivided attention (which means putting away your phone or other distractions). When you spend uninterrupted quality time with those you love, you are showing them that they are the most important thing in front of you.
If you or your partner’s love language is quality time, try spending time with them in these ways and giving them your full attention.
- Schedule a weekly date night (or regular date night, if weekly doesn’t work in your schedule)
- Go on a walk together with time to just talk and be together
- Put away your phone when you are with your spouse
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